Senior Citizen Jokes of the Day

Image from swapmeetdave.com
The following jokes were sent to me recently by a friend from the Philippines. I am sharing it with you. I hope that after reading these jokes, you smile, but also appreciate what the senior citizens of today ( including myself) are experiencing. Some of these sufferings are incontinence, hard of hearing, aches and pains, lapse of memory ( senior moment) and loss of libido. If you are a senior citizen and do not have any of the above symptoms, congratulations are in order. Here are the four of my favorite jokes, illustrating the above sufferings that are part of growing old.

1. Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench and just bullshitting to pass the time. One turn to the other and says " John, I am 83 years old and I am just full of aches and pains. I know you are about my age. How do you feel?.
John answers, I feel like a new born baby.
Really! ? Like a new born baby?
Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

2. The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said, This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door? The boss said yes but was puzzled by the question. Later on, he noticed his fly was open and zipped it up and understood his secretary's question
Later, he headed out for coffee and paused by his secretary desk and ask, When my garage door was open did you see my Hummer parked in there?
She smiled and said No, I did not. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.

3. Three old guys were walking.
First one says, Windy, isn't It?
Second one says, No, its Thursday!
Third one says, So am I, Let go get some beer.


4. A little old man shuffled into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully up into a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, " Crushed nuts?
No, he replied, " Arthritis ".

I hope the above jokes made you laugh a little, and add a little spice in your daily routine. Comments anyone?

Tips on Minimizing Gambling Losses

Image from Asiaplate.com
Last week, my wife and I spent one week at the Las Vegas Strip for our summer vacation. My wife loves to play the slot machines and I love to play Pai Gow (PG) poker We visited several casinos in the Strip but decided to play at Planet Hollywood (PH) for the following reasons.

1.The Casino is walking distance at our Condo-Hotel, the Polo Towers.
2.The Casino has good promos for new players, free slot play up to $20, free buffet after earning 100 points, coupon discounts on food and shops in the Casino and dinner shows. Daily free one slot play for a chance to win gifts, dinner shows and cash prizes.
3.The Casino has several newer slots machines with better videos and music.
4.The Casino is adjacent to the Miracle Mile Shopping Center.
5.Lastly, I was hoping to play Mini Pai Gow. To my disappointment, PH do not offer the Mini PG, just the regular 7 card PG poker.

To minimize your losses, you must adhere to a reasonable daily budget. In our case, we decided that $200 per day per person is a good budget. We played from 12:00 noon up to 7:00PM for six days with a 30 minute "merienda" break at 3:00PM. Note that this "$200 a day budget" we set aside, is the same weekly budget we allocate when we play at Thunder Valley Casino or Red Hawk Casino near our residence here in Sacramento. I also observed that the newer slot machines are programmed to give you slightly better odds on winning. This may not be true in other Casinos, but I believe my observation is correct in the Indian Casinos here in Northern California.
Let me know if I am correct or wrong on this observation. Another point is by 7:00 PM or an appointed time, win or loss you must stopped gambling. Once your budget has been consumed, then it time to quit for that day. However, if you are a gamboholic, no strategy will work for you. Gambling addiction is a disease just like alcohol, or sex addiction. You must consult a professional to cure your addiction.
photo from cbc.ca/news
Now let me talk about Pai Gow. I like it because it is a slow game. About 41.5% of the hands result in a tie. According to the odds specialists, the chance of the player to win is 28.6% and the dealer (banker) is 29.9%. I played for two hours at Planet Hollywood last week with only $100 capital. At the end of two hours, I lost only $25 . The game required a minimum bet of $15 and an optional side bet of $1 for the bonus. In one of the hands, I had “ four of a kind “, which gave me $25 for my $1 bet. The last time, I had four of a kind was three years ago at the Sahara Casino also in Las Vegas. PG is played with a 53-card deck, including a joker. The players and the dealer receives seven cards. Each player has to arrange his seven cards into a five-card hand and a two-card hand. The five card hand is ranked as in regular poker. The two-card hand is scored by pairs beating two singletons, then by individual ranks. The highest two-card hand is a pair of aces, and the lowest is a 3-2. The five card hand is ranked just like regular poker. The highest 5-card hand would be 4 Aces and a joker, followed by Royal flush, straight flush, four of a kind, full house, flush, straight, three of a kind, two pairs and a pair. The joker can only be used as an ace in a pair or any card for a straight or flush. The 2-card hand must be lower in rank than the 5-card hand. You have to beat the dealer in both hands to win the bet and you must lost in both hands to the dealer to loss your bet.
In mini pai gow, you are only dealt with six cards, So the low hand consist of only one card. In mini PG, you do not pay the standard 5% commission to the banker, every time you win. That is also one reason, I love mini PG compared to the regular 7-card PG. Anyway, if you want to learn how to play PG, go to Googles or Wikipedia for details and strategy. Good Luck and Have Fun!

WARNING; DO NOT GO TO THE CASINO, IF YOU THINK YOU WILL BECOME RICH OR A MILLIONAIRE!If you know of someone with gambling problems, call 1-877-718-5543.

Zion and Bryce Canyon National Parks, Utah

Zion National Park-View from Angels Landing

Bryce Canyon National Park
Macrine and I just experienced one of the best vacation we had since my retirement. For one week we stayed in Las Vegas, NV at the Polo Towers -under our time exchange program with International Interval, Inc. One day, we took a mini bus tour which lasted for 14 hours. The bus picked us up at Polo Towers about 6:30AM. Our first rest stop was at an Indian Reservation along I-15 N, where Macrine purchased two cartoons of cigarettes tax free and we had a chance to have coffee. We also had a packed breakfast, orange juice, muffins and energy bars provided by the tour company, Sweet Tours.

Macrine at the Visitor Center, Zion National Park
By the time we reached Zion National Park it was about 10:30AM. Along the way, our guide and driver relates to us ( eleven passengers), the history of Las Vegas, the fauna and flora of the area, the desert and rock formations that made this area so majestic and stunning. After our arrival, our tour driver parked at the Visitor Center. We took the park's bus( private cars not allowed) inside the canyon, stopping at several scenic point stops to take pictures. We did not have time to walk, since we still have to go to Bryce Canyon. The bus tour took about 60 minutes. Zion is indeed spectacular. We saw colorful canyons, forested mesas, and sandstone cliffs so high and indeed stunning and spectacular views. After the tour, we went back to the Visitor Center where our packed lunch of roast beef sandwiches was waiting for us. During lunch we exited the Park via the East Entrance- the Zion Mt Carmel Highway. We passed one of the longest tunnel in the US. By the time we reached the vicinity of Bryce Canyon ( with a photo stop at Red Canyon) it was about 2:00PM. We stopped at Ruby' Gift Shop, just outside the entrance of the Park for souvenirs and mandatory bath room break.

Then we started our two hours tour of the Park. First we stopped at Bryce Point, took some pictures, walked near the rim of the canyon and stayed there for about 15 minutes. If you have vertigo, this is not the place for you.
Macrine at Bryce Point
Our driver took us to Inspiration Point( second stop) and more picture taking and views to feast your eyes with the stunning scenery. We have an option to walk for 45 minutes from Inspiration to Sunset Point(last stop) or ride in the bus with our driver. If you hiked you will have a closer look at the Hoodoo's. Macrine and I decided not to hike as both of us have already aching feet from our walk at the Fashion Mall in Las Vegas and along the Strip Casinos the day before. We waited for the hikers until 4:00PM at Sunset Point. There, Macrine and I took more pictures and again the view was fantastic, and spectacular.
The Hoodoos
We were able to take pictures of the Hoodoos. Hoodoos are just pillar of rocks shaped like human beings. The fantastic shape is a result of erosion, millions of years ago. Legends say that the Hoodoo's cast a spell on all visitors to the park. After two hours at Bryce, we were on our way back to Las Vegas. On the way home, we stopped for picture taking along Navajo Lake. We were also passing the outskirts of Cedar Brake National Monument. We stopped at Cedar City for a quick fast food dinner. By the time we arrived in Las Vegas at our condo-hotel,it was 8:30PM. We were tired but happy to visit the two most beautiful national parks in the US.
The above is our route encompassing three states, Nevada, Arizona and Utah. I am glad I did not drive!
Getting There from Las Vegas: I-15N then route 9E to 89N then 12E
Going Back to Las Vegas: Route 12W then 89S, then 14W then I-15S
Total round trip mileage is about 490 miles.
Here's a short video by David Attenborough for your enjoyment from BBC

Philippine Geography and History- Two Videos

I found two short videos on You Tube on Philippine Geography and History. The videos are funny and also informative. Composed and sang by Yoyoy Villame. Hope you enjoy the two videos, as I did.

This next video is about Magellan's discovery of the Philippines- Funny and Fun

Let us Travel to the Philippines- Music Video

A music video that was made about two years ago, called Biyahe Tayo( Let us Travel)immediately become a worldwide sensation as soon as it was released. The tagalog lyrics was by Rene Nieva originally from Marinduque. He now resides in the Manila suburb. Rene is Macrine ( my wife) first cousin on her maternal side of the family. The following video has an English translation for the sake of thousands of second or third generation Filipino-Americans who do not understand Tagalog as well as to all English speaking tourists and future visitors to the Philippines. Incidentally, I have four children who grew up here in the US in the 1960 and 1970's. Only one of them understand Tagalog. The other three took tagalog courses at the local colleges and universities here in Northern California, but still can not speak the language of their heritage. Enjoy the video and hopefully all you second and third generations Filipino-American as well as tourists all over the world will someday be enticed to visit the Philippines.

Marinduque-A Photogenic Province

Marinduque is a photoblogger dream. The province is endowed with unspoiled white sand beaches, pristine blue waters, fringing reefs, virgin coral reefs, coves, limestone caves, meandering rivers, mountain peaks, cascading waterfalls and streams, fabled sulfur and hot mineral springs,old churches and of course beautiful sunsets. The Internet is filled with photographs of the scenic beauty of this island not only from the local professional photographers but also from amateur photographers all over the world. The province has more than six big islands popular to beach lovers, scuba divers and snorkeling enthusiasts. It has Mt Malindig known to mountain climbers and hikers. It has Bathala and Tarug Caves popular to spelunkers and just curious seekers. In one of the eight caves of Bathala, there is a resident python, believed to be enchanted. If he shows himself when you visit the caves, it is suppose to bring you good luck.
Sunset over Tres Reyes Islands- Photo from panoramnio.com
The nearest and most accessible islands from the capital town of Boac are the Tres Reyes Islands ( Islands of the Three Kings), Gaspar, Melchor and Baltazar in the town of Gasan. The local names are Laki, Pangkog and Man-nga ( see map above). These islands are located southwest of the mainland. The other three group of islands bigger in area and more populated are Polo, Maniwaya and Mongpong Islands. These are located in the Northeast part of the mainland in the town of Santa Cruz. Maniwaya's Polo Maria White Beach is being develop as an alternative to Boracay. There is a bigger island, Salamongue Island which is not as well known to the tourists and residents.. I really do not know the reason, but I believe it is not as accessible from the mainland . Moreover, it is not as developed( no electricity or running water) compared to the other islands.

One of the most popular white beach located in the mainland in the town of Torrijos is Poctoy White Beach. It is about a 70 minutes drive from downtown Boac. Poctoy White beach with Mt, Malindig as the background is the most photogenic and the most photographed scenery in the island.

Just late last year, the former Elephant Island in Lipata, Buenavista, owned privately, was renamed Bellarocca Resort Island and Spa. It has been converted to look like Santorini Island, Greece with buildings all painted in white sticking in the cliffs. From what I heard, this resort is one of the most expensive and luxurious resort in Southeast Asia. The cheapest room charges $300 per night excluding meals and other amenities. When I was in Marinduque last year, I met a few rich and famous Filipinos( businessmen, actors and actresses, TV personalities)) from Manila as well as Korean and Japanese tourists at Masiga Airport in Gasan on their way to the resort. From the resort advertisement, I know that the most expensive accommodation is a 3-bedroom villa with its own pool and jacussi charging about $ 800 per night without meals.

Dong Ho, Oggie Ramos, Ferdz Decena, Allan Barredo, Sydney Snoeck and Dennis Villegas are some of the photographers that I know who have photo blogs about Marinduque. Their pictures are beautiful, unique and mesmerizing. It is worth your time to visit their photo blogs sites. Looking at their photographs of Marinduque, its Tradition and Culture will surely make you proud of the beauty of our island paradise.